Stupidstuck Five Volts
by AuthorsOfStupidStuff
Summary: This is an incredibly stupid joint-writen fan adventure featuring mary sues, actual characters, fictional blood colors, new species, possible pokemon, blatant disregard for anything canon, and pretty much anything else. Info for individual authors is in our profile. Rated T for language and stupidity
1. Très mauvais, ne pas lire

**YOOOOOO. Hi. We're the AuthorsOfStupidStuff.**

**As you can probably tell the stuff we write is stupid and reading it may cause stupidity, paralysis, and ridiculous overpopularity. (is that even a word? lol)**

**Anyways, STUPIDSTUCK: FIVE VOLTS EDITION. Read it or DIE!**

**ACT 1 ⇒**

A young troll stands in her respite block.

**Enter name ⇒ **

[Swaggy Bitch]

Oh HELL no.

[Yterna Erblem]

That's a lot better. Let's use that one.

**Yterna: Introduce yourself.**

Your name is YTERNA ERBLEM. You are interested in gardening and geology. You wield the SPERKIND specibus, except your sper is a crappy piece of crap that you stole from weapon training. You also have no idea what the actual fuck a SPER is. You like to DRAW, but the best things you can manage are stick figures and REALLY CRAPPY CONTOURS. You are into REAL VAMPIRES, but not sparkly fairies. You think that they are an INSULT to vampirism. One of the only things you are good at is VIDEO GAMES. Your chumhandle is silentOrigins and you never raise your voice. ever.

**Yterna: Talk about video games.**

Oh yes! You are going to be playing an excellent game with some of your friends, supposedly some from OTHER PLANETS.

But you think that they're just a bunch of losers who think Alternia isn't good enough for them.

**Be the Earth guy.**

The command was not completed successfully. The closest thing you got was being the EARTH itself. But hey, this command prompt is stupid anyways.

**Earth: Upgrade skill tree Plate Tectonics.**

That isn't how this game works, STUPID!

**Earth: Locate the Earth guy and actually progress the story.**

_Did you mean:_

Gabe Inglip

One of the AuthorsOfStupidStuff

Some other guy

Gabe Newell

**Earth: Choose Mr. Inglip.**

Good. Nobody wants to read HALF-LIFE3Stuck.

**Gabe: Become part of the story.**

You manually force Mr. Inglip to become part of the plot. It ends up tearing a hole in the fabric of existence, but that's okay. Some Mary Sue character'll just patch it up soon enough.

Mr. Inglip wakes up from a really screwed up night full of watching LIVESTREAMS, playing WIND WAKER, pestering friends, and getting harassed by his BRO. None of that is important though. Now, standard generic character introductions are a staple in Homestuck fanfiction, are they not? Let's begin.

**Enter name.**

[Doucheswag Bronylord]

Holy shit no that's terrible someone kill me now plz thx bai.

[Gabe Inglip]

Why did you even have to be named when that Bing search clearly said your name? This is stupid.

**Gabe: Introdouche yourself.**

Your name is GABE. You enjoy playing VIDEO GAMES, especially of the NINTENDO-MADE variety. You have an INCREDIBLY SHITTY PC that can only run games properly with the use of RAZER GAME BOOSTER, and even that barely does anything. You live next to an all-purpose SCIENTIFIC FACILITY OF AWESOME and go there almost every day and get free science stuff. One of your most prized possessions is your 3-D MANEUVER GEAR that actually works without breaking your fucking neck. You wield the MASTARSWARDKIND specibus that you hacked and you are quite prolific in SWORDPLAY. Your chumhandle is nonsensicalUtopia and you speak in a way that doesnt require apostrophes or proper punctuation, because SCREW those guys B-)

**Gabe: Fast forward to when you have **THE GAME**.**

That's not how that works around here. It works in the science facility, though.

**Be Yterna again.**

Qu'est-ce que sup?

**Yterna: Where's the game?**

One of your friends is in the process of hacking the facility where the game was designed, and deemed too dangerous to play. Something about reality distortion, monsters, death to all who play, planetary destruction, et cetera.

**What the fuck kind of game IS this?**

You think it's called SBURB or some shit like that.

But all you can do is hang tight and GODDAMMIT WHO THE FUCK IS PESTERING YOU

**Yterna: Answer.**

unusualSentience has begun pestering silentOrigins

SO: the fuck do you want?

US: HellO.

US: DO YoU HavE AnY InformatioN AbouT ThE GamE HackinG?

SO: pfft.

SO: i'm like, lowest on the hemospectrum.

SO: no one's telling me shit.

US: UgH.

US: DO YoU ReallY BelievE ThaT CraP AbouT BlooD ColorS?

SO: well clearly you do.

SO: you're taking care of the matriorb like you're supposed to because of your blood.

SO: and as much as i hate to admit it, it does make life slightly easier.

SO: even though i'm probably going to be enslaved soon because of it.

US: HoW DoeS ThiS PrejudicE MakE AnythinG EasieR?

SO: well, rust bloods like me are the most common.

SO: so we're the low working class, whether we want to or not.

SO: also we have this pathetically low lifespan.

US: UgH.

SO: and fuschia bloods live forever, and they're only born once every few millenia.

SO: so it makes sense that they're on top.

US: You'rE FulL OF LieS.

US: I Can'T BelievE YoU AccepT ThiS BullshiT.

unusualSentience has ceased pestering silentOrigins

**Be the hacker**

Your name is Gosmit Hiffon, and you don't have time for bullshit, so you're going to get this overwith as fast as possible.

You're into GAMBLING and HACKING, both of which would get you in trouble if you weren't so high up on the HEMOSPECTRUM. Your weapon of choice is NUNCHAKU, which the specibus system has unceremoniously dubbed "nunchuckkind".

You are VERY FUCKING BUSY hacking, but you can't help but notice all the books about DRAGONS littering your room. You should really clean them up, but you just love dragons so much.

Your chumhandle is restlessBlacksmith and you_bind_all_your_words_together_so_none_can_escape

All your friends think you have mental issues.

You most likely do.

**Gosmit: Are you done yet?**

for the MILLIONTH TIME, NO NO NO NO NO!

**Be the strange sentient creature.**

No, not yet.

**Be someone else.**

You are now Entrex Anglam. You are busy reading stories about THE FAE. You enjoy reading about fairies. You also have nothing better to do while Gosmit is busy "hacking" (you think he's probably watching porn). So you're reading about tiny mythical winged creatures who help heroes clad in green.

You wield an Alternian laser gun as a weapon. You have plenty of practice, as you live in an area with many POOR LOWBLOODS who often attempt to EAT you. You feel a twinge of guilt for each one you kill, even though you know you shouldn't.

Your chumhandle is canonPerfectionist and you often type to ofsst to seewhat you are doing.

**Entrex: pester someone**

canonPerfectionist has begun pestering silentOrigins

SO: hey what's up

CP: notihng

CP: that;s the problem

SO: you need to slow the fuck down when you type.

SO: impatient for the game?

CP: you have no diea.

SO: i want it.

SO: do you know what the story is?

CP: i think that it unvoleves us.

SO: uh

CP: that was supposed to say involves

SO: really?

SO: awesome.

CP: it's supposed to be some sort of reality simulator game or sometihng like that.

SO: really?

SO: we're just going to be doing the shit we always do, but in a game?

CP: no

CP: I think it takes the form of the reality we're in, and thenwe can change it to suit us

CP: not entirely sure.

CP: hold up someone's pestering eme.

SO: who the fuck is eme

silentOrigins has ceased pestering canonPerfectonist

**Reality: Be patched back up.**

The helpful CANON patches up the hole quickly. It can't help but fear that something that shouldn't be here got through.

**Be one of the other guy's OCs**

You become the spectacular troll OC. You are the hero of this tale, or at least you think you are. You are all cool and edgy. You play guitar, fight with swords, find love with canon characters, have wings, and save the world every now and then. Your name is Orpheus Deathstab Knifelord Bladeking Stabkill Nightfury Gunwing Shadowwalker Chaosslayer or just OC. You come from another dimension, so you don't have a chumhandle.

**OC: Procure one**

You acquire the chumhandle of originalCharacter (OC). You immediately begin trolling the one person you know the chumhandle for. You had seen him through the tear in reality earlier, that's why you jumped in. He looked like he would need some guidance. In fact, you're currently on top of his house.

originalCharacter began trolling nonsensicalUtopia.

OC: Hey there! I'm Orpheus Chaosslayer and I'm here to help you become a hero! But not the best hero there ever was, because that's me. And I'm way 213374u2bcome me. ;)

Hey dude, I don't think he wants your guidance.

OC: Who are you, green-text demon?

You forgot again?! I'm your subconscious guy. He can't see my text btw. It only exists in your MINDSPHERE. Everyone has one.

OC: Btw, ignore that last bit, gabe. Also, just so you know this, if you turn out to be evil, I'm going to headshot you. ;(

Or if you're a kind of petty evil, I'll just go back in time with my 420SWAG and name you "Doucheswag Bronylord". uvu

Didn't you already try to name him that?

Just shut up, greentext. I can't get in any trolling if you keep interrupting me!1!one!1! :(

**Yterna: Strife!**

After walking downstairs for some reason, you are attacked by your snake-lusus. You take out your sper and a list of commands appears on the screen.

For good music, listen to the homestuck strife album. 2meta4me

**Assail**

You attack your lusus with a fury of attacks.

**Abuse**

You attack with a single powerful blow

**Arf**

You yell loudly at your lusus. Your lusus recoils and slithers away.

You stand still, shocked that "arf" had worked.

Now why were you down here?

**Yterna: Go to sleep**

You spontaneously fall asleep for no good reason. It just sort of happens sometimes. It's almost as if there's someone manipulating your actions to get a desired result...

**Yterna: Be Gabe and be pestered by OC.**

Sure, why not? She's sleeping and will not be useful for a bit.

originalCharacter [OC] began trolling nonsensicalUtopia [NU].

OC: Hey there! I'm Orpheus Chaosslayer and I'm here to help you become a hero! But not the best hero there ever was, because that's me. And I'm way 213374u2bcome me. ;)

NU: what the fuck

OC: Who are you, green-text demon?

NU: I dont have green text

NU: idiot

OC: Btw, ignore that last bit, gabe. Also, just so you know this, if you turn out to be evil, I'm going to headshot you. ;(

Or if you're a kind of petty evil, I'll just go back in time with my 420SWAG and name you "Doucheswag Bronylord". uvu

NP: u fokkin wot m9

NP: Ive noscoped more bitches than you EVER will

NP: Blindfolded

NP: And also, 420SWAG doesnt work on me B-)

NP: because of my 420BLAZEITSNOOPDOGGDORITOSMOUNTAINDEWMLGPRO1080NOSCOPESMOKEWEEDEVERYDAYSANICBALLSWAGE

NP: So yeah

NP: Fuck off

OC: LOL ROFL LMAO NOTHING CAN BEAT MY 420SWAG POWERS XD

OC: Just shut up, greentext. I can't get in any trolling if you keep interrupting me!1!one!1! :(

NP: Okay nope

OC: Ignore that, it was meant for someone else. Just remember, I'm here as your guide. ;)

NP: Fuck this

OC: ;(

NP: Fuck this gay earth

OC: Don't leave, I haven't said anything important yet! :(

NP: Darude Sandstorm

OC: ಠ╭╮ಠ

nonsensicalUtopia ceased pestering originalCharacter

**Gabe: Read a book for once. They make you smart, not that OC bronylord.**

No. Fuck you and your books.

**Gabe: Play wind waker.**

Great. Now look what you've done. Now he's playing video games and won't stop for a long time.

**Yterna: awake and use your magical lowblood powers**

Oh yeah. You forgot about those. They're not really that useful to you.

Unfortunately, you don't have super-power-awesome telekinesis, where you can manipulate anything. You can lift yourself for a few seconds, and you can throw and lift solid objects. You can not make things catch fire, manipulate liquids or gasses, or make things stop holding themselves together. You can't manipulate light, but that makes sense because light has no mass.

**Yterna: Give no shits and use them anyways.**

You use them on some random stuff around you in your respite block, making sure not to screw up your computer. It makes a substantial amount of noise, though.

Shit. Your lusus is coming up the stairs to your respite block. Quick do something hide like solid snake or something

wait there's a cardboard box in the corner hide in that.

**Yterna: There's a cardboard box in the corner, hide in that.**

That's a shoebox, dumbass. How does one hide in a shoebox? HOW?

**Yterna: Be the FRUIT**

You are now the fruit. But since the fruit is a metaphorical object that is used to bring the narration text through time, you become Pilorr, roughly 2 hours in the future.

**Pillor: Introduce yourself**

Your name is Pilorr Hexmaa, and you are currently sitting in a pile of books about WEREWOLVES. You have no idea why you have designated this pile of books as your HUSKTOP DESK, but it is where you program your AUTOMATON CANONS, which is technically your specibus, but they always sort of hover around you, so they've only been put in your strife deck once. You have created these due to your interest in ENGINEERING and WARFARE.

Your chumhandle is blatantNoisemaker and you WRITE IN ALL CAPS, ExCEPT FOR THE LETTER x.

**Pillor: become part of an arguement**

blatantNoisemaker has begun pestering omnipresentAutomaton

OA: what do you wanT?

BN: GIVE ME THE GAME

OA: stop yellinG

OA: i'll give you the game when i want to give you the gamE

OA: gosmit gave the game to me for safekeeping, until he knew he had gotten the entire filE.

BN: THEN WHY DID YOU GIVE A FILE TO YOUR MATESPRIT?

omnipresentAutomaton has thrown his laptop across the room in a panic.

BN: IDIOT.

blatantNoisemaker has begun pestering restlessBlacksmith

BN: HEY

BN: OA GAVE THE GAME TO HIS MATESPRIT

RB: it's_fine.

RB: the_game_is_ready.

**okay, it looks like it's the end of the first chapter! It's kinda long… the blood colors and authors of each character is in our fanfiction profile, so check that out.**

**Why didn't I post that at the beginning of the chapter?**

**Because**

**THIS**

**IS**

**STUPIIIIIIIIIID!**


	2. The Attack of Saint Sea-Hat

** Be the FRUIT**

You become the metaphysical fruit. You use this opportunity to go to the MOON. Or more specifically, Earth's moon. Surprisingly, there is actually stuff there! However, this also seems to be far into the future.

**?: Examine MOON BASE**

You don't need to examine the MOON BASE since you're already there.

**Introduce yourself**

Your name is Kira Queen. You must have fallen asleep when you were getting named because you don't recall when you started being called that. It was a few years ago, back when you were thirteen, but that's all you know. You are the leader of this Moon Base, if only because you're the oldest and probably the most sane. You use the REFERENCEKIND strife specibus, which is currently equipped with a RAY PISTOL and some DYNAMITE because they apparently count as references. You're pretty nice, if you may say so yourself. You are extremely interested in Earth because you've never been there. In fact, you've never left the base. You and the others were sent here when you were very young. It's rumored that you rode a meteor to get here, but there's no way that could work, right? Your chumhandle is damagedDragoon by the way and you have | a | tendency | to | segregate | your | words.

**Kira: Be one of the others on the base**

Sure, why not. They all deserve some time in the spotlight. Even Neptune.

**Introduce yourself**

Your name is Neptune Punk and you are by far the most abrasive one in this base. You tend to start arguments over the most trivial of things. You also love anime. You would give up your life for your waifu if necessary. You use the MIRRORKIND strife specibus because you can. Well, you actually use it because some idiot allocated your specibus without telling you, but that's a story for another day. You use the chumhandle recklessLogic to talk to your friends, who are mostly trolls. As in, aliens. {[(When talking to them, you tend to build fortresses around your arguments so that no one can defeat you in the battle that is conversation.)]}

**Neptune: Switch to someone else**

You switch to one of the other base dwellers because all of their introductions need to be dealt with.

**Introduce yourself**

Your name is Spade Tech. You have a tendency to forget important things and remember them again the second that they aren't relevant anymore. You like to be helpful, but it doesn't always go well. You use the PLANTKIND strife specibus because plants are nice. You use the handle windupGod when talking to people online, most of which happen to be annoying trolls. But hey, bad company's better than no company, right? You're the only one in this base who hasn't adopted some sort of annoying typing quirk like the ones the trolls use. You're proud of that. Soon, you're supposed to start playing a game with them, and you're not certain you'll be able to deal with them. Playing this game wasn't your idea anyway.

**Spade: Do something to postpone the introduction of the final person on the moonbase.**

You go look out the nearest window. You see the boring grey land of the moon, and the inky blackness of space. The Earth can be seen in the distance. You think it looks quite pretty.

**Spade: Get trolled**

And just like that, a troll starts up a conversation with you. You take out your handy LAPTOP COMPUTER and respond.

silentOrigins began trolling windupGod

SO: did you get the game

WG: yes how does it even work

SO: it's hard to explain. just starting it up would be far less confusing.

WG: I don't trust your kind normally, but okay.

SO: my past self will see you soon.

silentOrigins ceased trolling windupGod

**Spade: Start up the game**

You navigate to the game's convenient icon and click on it. You are then immediately treated to a load screen. Huh, you thought this game had another screen before it started loading. Doesn't matter.

...

That loading bar is really FUCKING LONG. You don't have that kind of patience.

**Spade: Do something else**

And yet, you don't get up to go do anything. That's probably because there isn't much to do here on the moon. Other than creating stuff with ectobiology, but you can do that at many state-of-the art facilities around the universe, according to the lab's OWNER'S MANUAL anyway. You only even read that manual because you were desperate.

**Spade: Check progress**

15% complete.

This game seems like it won't be done loading anytime soon. Hopefully, it will make sense when you start playing it. Though from the descriptions the trolls have offered, that doesn't seem like the case. Apparently, you're temporally the last to start, but you'll be the first to connect? You really have no idea how that works unless this game somehow transcends time.

**Be a troll**

You are now the condescending Karjhi Awkeni. You are interested in collecting things. But not physical achievements. Accomplishments. You collect accomplishments. And then lord it over your friends because they haven't accomplished that.

You really have no idea how you have friends at all. Except for the centaurs in your brain, the love you.

You use fncysntakind, for some reason. You have not figured out how to use it. Yet.

Your chumhandle is greatestAchiever **AND YOUR TEST IS BIGGER AND BOLDER THAN ANYONE ELSE'S, BECAUSE YOU ARE GOD DAMN SPECIAL.**

It's not a mystery why your only quadrantmate is a kismesis, or however the fuck anyone spells that.

**Karjhi: While you were being pompous, someone was talking to you.**

GA: **WHAT DO YOU WANT, INSIGNIFICANT FIGURE?**

CP: do you want ot play the game with us KArjhi?

GA: **WAIT**

GA: **WHAT GAME?**

_**cp lsol**_

GA: **WHAT?**

CP: lsol.

CP: laughs out loud.

GA: **WHATEVER.**

GA: **WHAT GAME ARE WE PLAYING**

CP: Holy shit you're a real idiot.

**Someone else: Beth the spotlight**

LOGIC: So, it seems as if a typo has created another character...

You ignore logic and become the spotlight. That guy was annoying.

**OC: Start up the game client**

LOGIC: He's not the spotlight, he just likes to think he is.

Canon: Shut up. You're not welcome here.

You have yet to acquire the game! You actually have no idea what game that's supposed to be referring to, because you're new to this universe. Since Gabe is refusing your expert guidance, you'll have to find someone else to tell you.

**OC: 420SWAAAAG**

You 420SWAG your mindsphere. It explodes, killing you and putting a hole in Gabe's roof.

LOGIC: He's not going to be so easy to kill, is he?

You spontaneously reanimate inside of Gabe's room, right behind him.

**[S] OC: Remember**

Your lives flash before your eyes.

You've done this before.

Well, not this exact thing, but something close. What's going on here?!

**Canon: Erase his memory**

You erase his memory of this universe before it was reset. Hopefully, he doesn't 420SWAG his mindsphere again and undo your hard work.

**Gabe: What the fuck just happened**

Gabe stands in shock. He is currently in so much shock that he cannot be controlled, so you decide to be that creep with that weird word thing.

**Gosmit: Argue:**

restlessBlacksmith is being pestered by greatestAchiever

GA: **ENTREX IS BEING STUPID**

GA: **HE HAS FORGOTTEN THE NAME OF THE GAME WE ARE PLAYING**

RB: okay

RB: why_didn't_you_tell_him_what_it_was?

GA: **I HAVE NO TIME FOR SUCH MATTERS.**

RB: …

RB: then_why_are_you_telling_me?

GA: **SO YOU CAN GO CHASTISE HIM FOR BEING SUCH A FOOL**

RB: are_you_saying_I'm_better_at_chastising_than_you?

GA: **NO, YOU OBNOXIOUS LITTLE FUCK**

GA: **NO ONE IS BETTER THAN ME AT ANYTHING!**

RB: so_why_the_fuck_are_you_telling_me_anything!

GA: **SO YOU CAN GO YELL AT HIM AND MAKE HIM FEEL BAD.**

RB: I_don't_want_to.

RB: do_you_even_know_the_name_of_the_game_we're_playing?

**Someone else: be introduced**

You are now the excellent Jarjar binkks.

No you're not. That character doesn't exist. Unless one of these other idiots I'm working with puts him in.

You are now Pontav Hejner. You have equipped the HOOKSHOTKIND specibus, which you have gotten very good at. You enjoy learning about the HISTORY OF YOUR PLANET, and that fuels your main goal of COMPLETELY REFORMING THE HEMOSPECTRUM. You are taking a break from pestering random people on TROLLMEGLE to break free of the hemospectrum to write stories about the your fantasy creature of choice, MERPEOPLE.

Your trolltag is unusualSentience and YoU CapitalizE ThE FirsT AnD LasT LetteR OF EverY WorD.

**Pontav: play the game**

You seem to be the only one of your friends who is uninterested in the game. You're only playing it because your moirail wants you to.

And here he is now.

**Pontav: answer**

unforgivableKleptomaniac has begun trolling unusualSentience

US: What'S UP?

UK: |\|othi|\|g /\/\uch, ho\/\/ about you?

US: IS GosmiT DonE YeT?

UK: I thi|\|k he is

UK: Last I sa\/\/, he \/\/as argui|\|g with Karjhi

UK: Re/\/\i|\|d /\/\e, \/\/hy are \/\/e playi|\|g \/\/ith hi/\/\?

US: He'S Someone'S Moirail'S KismesiS, SO WE Don'T HavE MucH OF A ChoicE.

US: ApparentlY.

UK: I \/\/a|\||\|a play already.

US: HolD ON

US: I'M GettinG PestereD BY SomeonE

UK: \/\/ho?

US: I'M NoT SurE…

**Pontav: answer**

originalCharacter has begun pestering unusualSentience

US: HellO

US: WhO ArE YoU?

OC: Hello! ;)

OC: My name is Orpheus! I'm another troll and I'm going to be playing the game with you. :D

OC: I'm pestering you because I'm going to be your server player! Regardless of whatever you've planned. ;)

US: UM, WhaT?

US: I'M NoT ReallY SurE HoW ThiS GamE WorkS

US: BuT IF It'S MultiplayeR, I IntendeD TO PlaY WitH MY MoiraiL.

OC: It's not a two-player game, it's technically infinite-player and you don't get to choose who you play with. The universe decides that.

US: ReallY?

US: OuR HackeR SayS ThaT WE CaN DecidE WhicH OneS WE WanT TO ConnecT TO.

OC: Well, he's either lying or doesn't understand the game.

US: HM.

US: WelL IF ThE UniversE DecideS, TheN WhY Can YoU DecidE ThaT YoU ConnecT TO ME?

OC: It's not my decision. Future-you told me about it and then told me that I needed to tell present-you.

US: FucK

US: MY FuturE SelF IS A DicK.

US: WhY ArE YoU TypinG IN ReD?

US: Shouldn'T YoU HemotypE?

OC: My blood is both red and this color. I type in red because I don't want to be royalty.

US: WhaT?

US: ReD Isn'T A BlooD ColoR

US: AnD YoU Can'T HavE TwO ColorS

US: AnD SincE You'rE A MalE, Shouldn'T YoU HavE BeeN CulleD FoR HavinG RoyaL BlooD?

OC: Red is SO a blood color. When we meet up, stab me. It's bichrome because the two colors don't mix. And I should have been culled. I was saved by a mysterious BENEFACTOR however.

US: OkaY…

US: SO WhaT HappenS IS…

US: YoU, UM, ConnecT TO ME

US: TheN WhaT?

OC: I place some stuff around in your house, then you use that stuff to ASCEND into your LAND, where the real game begins. There will be a lot of fighting, so be prepared.

US: OkaY, GosmiT JusT SenT ME A CopY OF ThE GamE

US: HolY ShiT ThiS FilE IS HugE

OC: Send a copy to me and then run the client. I'll then run the server and we'll connect.

US: YoU Don'T HavE ThE GamE?

US: SO IF I Don'T SenD IT TO YoU, WhaT HappenS?

OC: You doom the timeline and we all die.

US: There'S NeveR A LoopholE, IS TherE?

US: OkaY, I'M SendinG ThE FilE NoW.

unusualSentience sent originalCharacter a file.

OC: Thanks. Prepare yourself!

originalCharacter ceased trolling unusualSentience

**Wow, these two are idiots**

Yes, yes they are.

**?: Be introduced**

No! It's too early for any of the other unknowns to be introduced.

**OC: Run the game**

You attempt to run the game and accidentally run the client, which connects. You then run the server and watch the ridiculously long loading bar.

**Be OC's server player**

You become Spade. The game has finally finished loading for you. It took a while, but now it's done. You've been given a view into some dude's bedroom. He's passed out on the floor and seems to live on Earth. Near him is a troll, typing away on a laptop. You assume that the troll is the person you're the server of and that the human is just a random bystander.

**Chuck him out the window**

You can't because you can't use the cursor to pick up people apparently.

**DEPLOY ALL THE STUFF**

You deploy everything that you can, which isn't very much. It's starting to get crowded in that room, even after you took all of that human's stuff and put it in a pile.

**OC: Enter**

You open the cruxtruder by 420SWAGGING it. Out pops a KERNEL, into which you are tempted to throw Gabe, but you instead throw a piece of your old corpse.

**OCSPRITE: SUICIDE**

Why would you commit suicide? You have all the SWAG you've ever had and more.

OCSPRITE: HEY THERE OC!

OC: Hi, me! Why do you yell all the time?

OCSPRITE: I DONT!

OC: Except you are.

OCSPRITE: OH! I DIDNT NOTICE! *SHRUGS*

**Gosmit: connect**

restlessBlacksmith has begun pestering canonPerfectionist

CP: hey!

RB: I'm_going_to_connect_to_you_because_there's_no_one_better.

RB: then_you_can_connect_to_yterna

CP: awesoee

CP: so how does this work?

RB: that's_what_we're_going_to_find_out.

**Entrex: run the client**

You have one of the most badass computers ever, so loading doesn't take too long.

Once you've loaded, a menu appears

**Menu: THANK YOU for loading SBurb.**

**Your client has recognized 10 available servers by the names of**

**timelineOverlord**

**divineSlayer**

**firstbornPigbutt**

**hackmeBro**

**carcinoGenetecist**

**restlessBlacksmith**

**gluttonousIcan'tspell**

**sinfulAngelus**

**quartzOc**

**gamingLegacies**

**Please select one**

**Entrex: Select restlessBlacksmith**

you were going to do that.

Now that you've selected him, he has full view and control of your house.

Fortunately, he probably won't abuse this privilege-WAIT IS THAT A TOILET

RB: Sorry.

**Gosmit: place items**

There are a few items that are free. Unfortunately, you don't have enough… whatever these things are to buy the other things.

There's an alchimeter, a cruxtruder, a totem lathe, and a pre-punched card.

**Gosmit: the pre-punched card looks small, place that.**

Entrex can now pick up and move the pre-punched card.

**Gosmit: Place the alchimeter in the basement.**

You equip it, and move it through the air to the basement.

Entrex follows it.

**Gosmit: Place the cruxtruder on the roof.**

You lead Entrex to the roof.

**Gosmit: Place the totem lathe in the basement**

CP: you're intentionally being a douche arne't you

**Entrex: You have a pre-punched card.**

Yeah, you do. You take it out and look at it. You place it on the alchemiter.

Predictably, nothing happens.

You hear a crash from the roof.

RB: sorry_again.

CP: what happeend?

RB: I_dropped_something_on_the_roof.

RB: on_the_cruxtruder.

RB: You_should_check_it_out.

**Entrex: check the roof.**

A sphere rapidly changing every color from white to blue to black. It could probably give someone a seizure if there were any trolls with epilepsy that escaped culling.

**Entrex: Your lusus is approaching.**

Your pseudoscorpion lusus climbs up to the roof. You equip your gun in case of a strife.

**Lusus: Jump**

The lusus jumps into the kernelsprite, making it a tier one pseudoscorpionsprite.

RB: What

Entrex: what

**Entrex: Put the pre-punched card where it belongs**

You really have no idea where that is.

**Entrex: Start cramming the pre-punched card into any opening**

You wedge it into a few openings in the alchemiter, with no results.

Fortunately, there seems to be an opening in the totem lathe. It fits perfectly.

CP: okaay anow what.

RB: there_seems_to_be_a_countdown_on_the_Cruxtruder.

RB: The_big_device_upstairs

CP: uh ph.

CP: countdowna are almost never gopd.

RB: There's_a_wheel_on_the_cruxtruder

RB: Try_turning_it

**Entrex: go upstairs**

You run up your house. You're so glad you decided to make it wide instead of tall.

**Entrex: spin the wheel**

An opaque cylinder falls from the top. It's fairly shiny, and it doesn't weigh very much. It's very slippery, but does not appear very breakable. It's almost the size of an opening on the totem lathe. You ponder the significance of that while Gosmit insists that you move.

**Entrex: put the dowel in the totem lathe!**

Huh. What an interesting idea. It just might work!

You run down the the basement and place the dowel in the totem lathe. A light runs over the pre punched carp, and a laser carves the dowel to a weird shape.

The diameter of the bottom is almost the diameter of one of the pads on the alchemiter. You ponder the significance of that while Gosmit swears at you.

**Entrex: Put the totem on the alchemiter, ya stupid!**

Another great idea! After placing the totem, a target appears on the alchemiter. It hovers in the air and drifts back and forth.

**Entrex: shoot**

You line up a shot. **BAM**

Nothing. You try again.

**BANG**

Still nothing. You shoot a third time, vaguely aware of a roaring noise outside, coming from above.

**KABLOOIE**

The target explodes. In a rush of white light, your entire house is transported to a faraway land.

**Chapter: End.**

that is not at all how this works. The chapter does not end.

**be someone else now.**

you are now someone else. a young troll sits in his respiteblock.

**enter name: [generic sue]**

_**sorry, no.**_

you decide to ignore this, even if it's right.

your name is [navinn amporeijon], and you are the lovechild of nepeta leijon and eridan ampora.

**wait, really?**

your blood is rainbow, and changes with your mood. you are the only troll in existence with blond hair, and one of the few who can withstand the BLISTERING ALTERNIAN SUN. you are also, perhaps, the only who enjoys the feel of its rays. you are quite swayed by the BANDWAGON EFFECT, following whatever is trendy.

you use 2x2 semi-auto crossbow-lance with bayonet kind (as well as cactus kind) and your lusus is a sea-stag. your moirail is OC and you are flushed for tavros nitram. your chumhandle is soggyScion and you type _vsing roman nvmerals and italics._

**really?**

**wer'e makign this hapen.**

**navinn: troll your only friend.**

**soggyScion** **began trolling ****originalCharacter**

SS: _hey_

SS: _where are yov_

SS: _i really want to get that game, i heard tav played it once_

SS: _he's mine, by the way_

SS: _i know how jealovs yov are _

SS: _are yov ignoring me_

SS: _it isnt fvnny_

SS: _**STOP IGNORING ME**_

OC: Hey, I was busy alking to my client player

**navinn: try to calm down.**

i probably should've told you this before, but you have a hairpin temper and your blood becomes red when you're angry. besides your glaringly obvious hair, this is another reason you should have been culled from the starting gate. you decide to take a walk around your **immense garden** in the **huge mansion** you "inherited" from your dad before he lost his life to an unfortunate papercut accident, but you first equip your crossbow lances in the event of a fight of some sort. you know that couldn't happen, however- you are living in your own little fantasy world, where everything is happy and completely carefree. you do it anyway to feel safe.

**I DON'T LIKE THIS ANYMORE GL PLZ HELP**

No problem. You return to the land of semi-tolerable characters and proper formatting.

**Be a new guy**

You are now Sekkii Losmir. You use an ACTUAL crossbow, not whatever that idiot uses. You only have two interests, and those are knickknacks and cooking. Oh, and Wraiths. Those are cool, but also fake. Your trolltag is regretfulSorrow and you rep1ace any 1e11er you can w11h 1he number 1

**Sekkii: What's a wraith?**

It's a malevolent ghost or ghostlike spirit, usually skeletal with black bones. They're sometimes engulfed by fire.

**OKAY NORMAL PEOPLE ARE BORING**

**be a **_**new**_**new guy.**

You are now… umm…

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

at this moment, the universe shook. and from the depths, a voice called-

deg deg.

you are now lenniy degdeg. your chumhandle is memeticGrimace and your sweet dreams are made of memes. you pretty much always type in this font, and your blood is an ugly MAROON. you fight with printer-paperkind, a result of you failing to print an image macro. your typing quirk is putting the lenny face infront of all of your sentences, not to mention your sexually explicit and otherwise obscene autocorrect fails.❤

**lenny: get pestertrolled by the sue.**

which one? ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

**the son of one you murdered in red blood.**

you'd forgotten about the seadweller, after all, you'd killed thousands with that one sheet of paper. you're sort of an asshat.

memeticGrimace is beaning trollrolled by soggyScion

SS: _**YOU KILLED MY FATHER SO PREPARE TO DIE**_

SS: Why is this in comic sans?

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)It's the trollroll client

SS: ILL B KLLING U WHEN WE PLAY THE GAME

MG: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡ °)wtu what is the client doing to my degdegs

SS: DIE YOU FILTHY BASTERD

SS: *Batsard

SS: *Bastratd

SS: *Basterd

SS: fuck this I giev yp

soggyScion absconded.

**I'm so confused!**

Let's try to put this ugly incident behind us, shall we?

UK: sekkii!

RS: he11o

UK: I \/\/anted to co|\||\|ect to Po|\|ta\/ but so/\/\o|\|e a|ready co|\||\|ected to her!

RS: who?

RS: do 1 need to 1a1k 1o somebody?

UK: I do|\|'t thi|\|k \/\/e kno\/\/ the/\/\!

UK: It's a troll far a\/\/ay!

RS: Hm.

RS: Te11 pon1av to connec1 1o you.

RS: We shou1d ask gosm11 1f we can res1ar1.

UK: Ok I'll do that.

unforgivableKelptomaniac has begun trolling restlessBlacksmith

UK: gos/\/\it!

RB: I_JUST_GOT_ENTREX_IN!

RB: YEAH!

UK: So/\/\/eo|\|e just co|\||\|ected to po|\|ta\/!

RB: what?

RB: I'll_go_talk_to_her.

restlessBlacksmith has begun trolling unusualSentience

RB: Pontav!

RB: I_have_just_been_informed_that_you_have_connected_to_a_stranger

US: YeaH.

US: OuR SessioN WaS InvadeD.

US: HE SaiD ThaT MY FuturE SelF TolD HiM ThaT HE HaD TO ConnecT TO ME.

US: HE SaiD ThaT IF I Didn'T We'D AlL DiE!

RB: I'm_afraid_he's_correct.

RB: I_don't_know_how_but_I_sense_he's_correct.

RB: You_should_connect_to_your_friend.

**gL: Introduce all your trolls**

Yes, I believe that would be wise.

**Be Selkor**

Your name is Selkor Tenlas. You are one of the few violet bloods who is unhappy about her place on the hemospectrum. You enjoy SPORTS and reading about the GRIMDARK ARTS. You have no desire to perform them, though. Your preferred weapon is a halberd, useful for both slashing and stabbing. When you're not swimming or practicing wielding your halberd, you draw pictures of pegasi. Your chumhandle is omnipresentAutomaton and you only capitalize the final letter of any phrasE.

**Be Fesmor**

Yes, it's about time that we finally discover the identity of the yellow guy. Your name is Fesmor Markan. You are one of the few lowbloods who run. You feel that it would help if the bots try to enslave you.

You enjoy botany and literature. Not much else. You use a flail as a weapon, but you don't practice much. Running is much more useful. You like phoenixes. They're like birds...

That catch fire! So cool. Actually, it's fire, so not so much.

Your chumhandle is unforgivable kleptomaniac and you \/\/rite your \/\/ords \/\/ith slashes

**Be lillah.**

Yes, it's about time she got a chance in the spotlight. She looks really bored, bouncing a ball off the wall. Cheer up, you're not in prison.

Your name is Lillah Kisneb. You enjoy platforming games. That's the only form of game you enjoy, though. Freeroamers make your brain hurt.

Unfortunately, from what you've gathered, the game you and your friends are playing is a freeroamer. Fortunately, you're going to be playing with your matesprit Selkor.

Hopefully before you play you can get some practice in with your BOOMERANG.

Your boomerang is decorated with pictures of HARPIES. You don't know why you're interested in them, they're kind of gross.

Your chumhandle is platformingGoddess and you double space between words.

**Interruption!**

You're going to introduce yourself even if nobody wants it. Your name is Steel Donut. You're a human who loves playing games, especially FIRST PERSON SHOOTERS. You are a notorious online troll and SPAWN CAMPER. You're so well known that sometimes you're already IP banned before you connect to a server. Once you trolled a NERD so hard that he gave up on REAL GAMING and started playing NINTENDO stuff only. Recently, you found him on miiverse. He's apparently going to play that SBRURB game or whatever it's called. You plan on playing the game with him, if only to troll him. His reactions are priceless. Oh yeah, back on topic. You wield 2x SCOPELESS SNIPER RIFLEKIND in real life and use the handle variableVengeance. Your text is plain and black because you don't have any time for that fancy shit.

**And now, back to our normal programming, be Esziji**

Is it safe now?

Good.

Your name is Esziji Fennai. You have lime blood, and have been on the run since you were born.

You don't have time for many interests, but it seems like you'd enjoy painting if you ever had the materials. Cave painting seems pretty fun. It would probably be pretty cool, considering that you often hide in caves.

You've made yourself a bayonet in case of trouble. Fortunately, you haven't had to use it much.

You've been told by Yterna over pesterchum about angels, and they fascinate you. Demonic creatures with wings that descend from the sky…

Cooooooool.

Your chumhandle, not that you can use it most of the time, is unstableOutcast and you type as well as you can, but dont fix yourr mistakes when you make them,

**Just one more, right?**

Yep. The heiress.

Your name is Penjai Kastli. You are the heir to the throne, and you are DREADING your battle with Her Imperious Condescension in a few weeks. You're mostly playing that game Gosmit hacked as a way to relieve tension.

You're interested in the pursuit of knowledge. And also Hydras. But not the pursuit of hydras, that's scary.

You wield a warhammer and a battleaxe, and wield them well. Because you're ambidextrous, you can fight with both hands.

Your chumhandle is heiressSupreme and You type meticulously and spell everything right, with the proper grammar, to the best of your ability.

**WAIT! we forgot about that lenniy guy. what was he doing?**

**lenniy: listen to some quality music.**

you decide to get your degpod and turn it on. god, you haven't used this in a while. you go to the music menu and there it is, that heavenly chorus of a song, that angelic overture…

**lenniy: listen to "unknown from m.e." backwards.**

ever since you found this beautiful piece, you couldn't stop listening to it. it just fits you SO WELL, with it's messages of a dark army and the boosting of oxygen.

**lenniy: murder sarah, murder nadervach…**

now that you think about it, there is no one in the immediate vicinity to fell with your piece of computer paper. a shame.

**lenniy: rickroll the spawncamper.**

memeticGrimace is beaning trollrolled by variableVengeance

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡) hello there

VV: GO AWAY DEGFACE

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡) i'd rather not

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡) what did your lusus tell you about not feeding the trolls

VV: SHITFACE I WILL HEADSHOT YOU NOSCOPE IRL

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡) what, are you cumming for me?

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡) *COMING

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡) you know what i meant

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡) stupid fuckind degpod

VV: I WILL IN FACT KILL YOU NOW. IT IS NOW MY SWORN MISSION. IN FACT, SINCE YOU'RE PART OF THIS GAME, I'LL KILL YOUR DREAM SELF BEFORE YOU CAN EVEN WAKE UP.

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡) that's cute

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡) did you copypaste all of that

VV: NO

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡) liar

MG: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡) you have fun with that, "m8"

**VV: Follow up on your ominous death threat**

You go to sleep, wake up on Derse, as is normal, and shoot his dream self. He dies as expected. Game Over. You win.

**HEY I THOUGHT FRIENDLY FIRE WASN'T ALLOWED**

What are you going to do about it, motherfuckers?

**lenniy: be very much alive.**

you are still alive as you have a seemingly infinite amout of dreamselves. you ARE the heir of degdeg, after all. it seems that your aspect was meant only for you, as it bears your last name. you also sort of cheated.

**lenniy: follow up on his death threat.**

you get up, wiping the maroon blood off of your chest. it seems the glimmerous fop missed, and you're still around.

**lenniy: grab your paper. you have a fight to win.**

**STRIFL**

VV cheats and disconnects before you can do anything.

**lenniy: well, fuck your rules. cheat as well. **

you go back in time using your 1337420HAXXORZSWAG and prepare yourself for an attack.

**lenniy: bring the thunder.**

you use the last of your remaining swag to enact a _**DEGDEG 421MIRACULOUS BLAZING PAPER 666 NO-SCOPE! **_

Shit you don't have any SWAG. You're screwed. That Donut stole all of it from your corpse in the few seconds that you were dead.

**lenniy: cheat again.**

you decide to hack swag directly into the game…

and you fail.

he simply has more swag than you in every way. you might say he outswags you. you have no choice but to disconnect or die.

**lenniy: get rekt m8**

ok fine. you disconnect, submitting to the swaggy assailant. it doesnt matter, he was cheating anyway. you arent a loser to me, lenniy.

**Kira: wake up**

All of this noise on Derse has awoken your DREAMSELF, who had previously been pretending to sleep. You have her do that when you don't feel like juggling two realities at once.

**Shh don't tell anyone.**

Haha, no. You go outside and watch this ridiculous swagfight. You sort of wonder if they realize that from anyone else's perspectives, it just looks like two douchebags staring at each other blankly.

**Esziji: Pester**

unstableOutcast has begun pestering silentOrigins

SO: hi

UO: heloo

SO: heh

SO: you type like entrex.

UO: sorry.

UO: i'm really scared

UO: I keep hearing things.

SO: you can use your bayonet in emergencies, right?

UO: yeah, but I'm not great at it.

UO: Also my hands are always so shakyy.

SO: you'll be fine

UO: i hope so

SO: anyway…

SO: is this why you pestered me?

SO: not that i mind.

UO: no, i wanted ot talk to you about the game.

UO: what;s it about?

SO: i'm not really sure

SO: entrex and gosmit already started plaing, so you should talk to him.

**BAN THE DEMON**

It is done. Navinn and the others will never return

**Saint-Sea-Hat: Be banned**

Don't take it too personally. We voted. And it was unanimous. ._.

wow

**All of Sea-Hat's Characters: DIE IN THE FIRES OF HELL**

Except for Navinn. Unlike "navinn", he was fine. But Lenniy and the others were culled by several million angry fangirls at the same time.

if only we had any fans at all ._.

**Authors: Don't be sad! This is a glorious celebration!**

SO: wooooooooo!

DD: YAY! Wait what are we cheering for?

NP: Fuck yes

NP: Wait whats goin on right now

NP: Who are these people :0

NP: HOW IS THERE A 3-PERSON PESTER THING GOING ON RIGHT NOW :?

DD: It's a memo.

NP: Well who the fuck made it

**Authors: Repair the fourth wall**

Now everything is the way it should be :)

**AMEN MUTHERFAQERS. COURT IS ADJOURNED.**

**Lillah: Be pestered**

platformingGoddess has begun pestering omnipresentAutomaton

OA: hi sweetiE

PG: hi

PG: should we start playing the game?

OA: yeah i'll connect to yoU

**Miss Kira, would you please get on your way and start the game?**

Oh yeah, that game! You have yet to get it from SPADE or one of your troll pals.

**Kira: Get the game**

You go over to Spade.

Kira: Hey | I | need | a | copy | of | that | game. | It's | kind | of | important. | I | don't | want | my | best | friend | to | die.

Spade: I thought I was your best friend.

Kira: My | OTHER | best | friend

Spade: You've never even met her. She probably has a server player already.

Kira: I | still | want | to | play | the | game.

Spade: I'm a bit busy right now. I'll send it to you later.

**Spade: Have messed up badly**

You dropped a computer on your client's head. Ouch. And now he's tripped and fallen over that human, waking him up.

**Be Gabe**

You are now Gabe once again.

**Gabe: Get the game already, jegus.**

Where are you going to get a vidya gaem in the middle of the woods OH LOOK IT'S ORPHEUS DOUCHESWAG WHY IS HE HERE.

**Gabe: Examine your room and see why everything is screwed up.**

There's OC on the floor with your computer next to him, and all of your shit in a pile in the corner.

**Gabe: SAVE THE NINTENDO MEMORABILIA**

You use your special branch of 420SWAG powers to unbreak everything in your room and put stuff where it belongs. Also, there's some weird machines in your room. You should probably get rid of those.

**Gabe: Push the weird shit out the window.**

windupGod began pestering nonsensicalUtopia

WG: Don't even think about it.

NU: Think about what? :7

NU: Think about clearing my room out and getting rid of this machinery shit?

WG: Yes, that.

WG: We need that to play the game.

NU: Why do you have to do that in my house though

NU: Theres plenty of other places you could use

WG: Well, OC ended up here, in YOUR room, so that's where this is going down.

NU: There is literally a gigantic fucking scientific testing facility several hundred yards from my house

WG: And your point is?

NU: Go there or something. Theres more space anyways

WG: We can't. Once I place the Phernelia Registry I can't move it again. I think it's a bug in the game.

NU: You have the game?

WG: Yeah, why do you ask?

NU: I was going to play it with my friend Alyx but I couldnt find a good torrent of it

NU: So, uh

NU: Could you send me a .zip or something

WG: Umm... Okay?

WG: I'm not sure if this is legal according to whatever laws there are on the moon, but here you go. It might take a while, depending on how fast your computer is.

windupGod sent nonsensicalUtopia a file. (**SBurb_1_8_ **)

NU: Wow, didnt think that would actually happen

NU: Thanks a ton

NU: By the way, whats your name?

WG: It's Spade Tech. And you're welcome.

windupGod ceased pestering nonsensicalUtopia.

**Gabe: Send the .zip to Alyx, whoever that is.**

nonsencialUtopia began pestering decayingMathematician

DM: dood what do u want

DM: im in the middle of somethin

DM: holy shit theres time-travelin cats everywhere

NU: Lol, I dont care

NU: Got Sburb though

DM: u serious

DM: i thought u said tpb didnt have a workin download of it

NU: I didnt get from the pirate bay.

NU: Long story short, some windupGod girl gave it to me

NU: Apparently her client is that weirdo that entered my room through that tear

DM: thats great and all

DM: but

DM: 1 4M R34LLY 1N 7H3 M1DDL3 0F S0M3TH1N

DM: send me the game

DM: ill be ur client or however this shit works

NU: Sure

nonsensicalUtopia sent decayingMathematician a file. (**SBurb_1_8_ **)

DM: thx dood

DM: now if ull excuse me

DM: i have to strife with these cats

**Kira: Be pestered**

Oh hey, here's your best friend. You're going to have to explain why you couldn't get the game.

**silentValentines ****began pestering ****damagedDragoon**

SV: -ready -to -meet -me -in -person?

DD: No, | Spade | wouldn't | give | me | the | game.

SV: -well -that -is -a -problem.

SV: -i -couldn't -get -anyone -to -give -me -a -copy -either.

DD: Not | even | OA | or |HS?

SV: -while -they -may -be -similarly -placed -on -the -hemospectrum, -i -don't -know -them -that -well

DD: I | thought | you | were | friends.

SV: -just -because -we're -all -playing -this -game -together -and -are -all -trolls -doesn't -mean -we -have -to -be -friends

SV: -anyway -i -take -the -hemospectrum -more -seriously -than -they -do

SV: -even -the -heiress.

DD: I | thought | you | cared | about | the | lowbloods

SV: -i -do -and -that's -why -I -take -it -so -seriously

SV: -that -probably -made -no sense.

DD: I | think | I | understand.

SV: 3

DD: 3

DD: Would | I | be | a | lowblood?

SV: -you'd -be -right -around -the -middle

DD: I'm | going | to | go | try | to | get | the | game | again.

SV: -see -you -soon!

**damagedDragoon ****disconnected.**

**SV: Be introduced**

You are now SV! You are of high status. You are pretty well-known as a HATER of lowbloods, but that's a misunderstanding. You were young, and you went up to the surface and got a bunch of lowbloods and attempted to dye their blood a DIFFERENT COLOR, but you used a poisonous dye so they all ended up dying.

Your name is Alioth Aviraz and you use NO STRIFE SPECIBUS WHATSOEVER. Okay, that was a lie. You use BLADEKIND. It's simple and reliable. You kind of hope that Kira can make it in. You really want to meet her and obviously don't want her to die when her planet gets destroyed. Oh wait, she's on a moon. Would that get destroyed? You're not sure. You'll have to ask the hacker about that later. You want your MATESPRIT to survive.

You like SCIENCE FICTION because it's not quite science but it's not quite magic either. Just like your world. You're also a big fan of EQUALITY, though that isn't so important these days. Everyone's equal at the end of the world.

Oh yeah, you almost forgot to mention this, sometimes you will _parle en troll-français _because you can. You also -impale -your -words -on -little -spikes.

**Pontav and Fesmor: connect**

restlessBlacksmith has opened a linear memo on board SESSION

UK: cool

US: SO WhaT DO WE DO?

CP: Pontav, dpeloy everything in them -herlneloa registrl

US: DA PhuQ?

RB: phernelia_registry?

CP: yeh

CP: and deploy it all in one place so o yu don't have to run everytew ere like gowmit mad e me fo.

SO: *you *everywhere *gosmit *made *do

SO: i'm getting good at this.

RB: oh_good_you're_here

RB: entrex_connect_to_her

CP: yes,s ir

RB: I'll_walk_Pontav_through_getting_Fesmor_into_the_game

**COMMAND PROMPT: **

**Be Yterna**

Or

**Be Fesmor**

**Ok guys, this chapter is… ridiculously long. We're updating every other saturday, so get ready for a massive update in 2 weeks!**

**We apologize for Saint Sea-Hat's characters.**

**Also, comment whether to be Yterna or Fesmor. That'll be how the chapter starts.**


End file.
